The Truth is Loneliness
Normally, such a word as 'loneliness' should not evoke such a strong emotion. However, it is actually the case for me. Listening to people pointing to my loneliness feels like a very underhanded way of making me in pain. It also clicked to me that I am actually seeking comfort from having people around me. Back when I was in my undergraduate studies, people are always around even when they were actually displeased with having me around. It's hard to tell cause my narcissistic tendencies to block such views from entering my eyes. Now that everyone's paths are separated like branched trees and I am alone in my predicament of Master study, I slowly manage to shake the narcissism out. It's very very eye-opening and gut-wrenching to realize I am actually the problem. Yes, I am the problem. I now see how people wish to not associate with me unless the need arises. If there is no specific reason for them to ask out of me, I am as good as gone to the wind. I am unneeded wh