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When Everything is an Illusion

I don't know now. When I strive to become independent, free from my restrains, I suddenly chained down. It's just the mixed thought of obedience and freedom. Either to keep in line with the demands I have to do, or to disregard them and run away, aiming for freedom I desperately seek.

I learned the cruelty of life. When I decided to take something that my parents would oppose, the decision bite me hard. When I decide to obey, my soul feels a powerful pain of discontent. Everything doesn't seem to be in one straight line. My wish to grow my communication, leadership, soft skills and all that is halted for papers that represents nothing more than numbers that is put on papers.

In the end, I have to be the obedient child that brings the best GPA score, a cumlaude student and slowly falls to what I despise, stigma that score is everything. All hail the scores, or so what the perception is set to my mind from their acts. If they are so distrustful with me, why not just control me since the very beginning like a puppet doll? When I speak up, I know it will bite me, as everything I am now, has their part at the highest of the shares.

In the end, I am nothing more than being obedient. Papers are the thing they see from me, the numbers are what they care for. For once I hoped they asked some questions like :
"What positions the association/extracurricular org. trust you with this year?"
"What big projects you have finished this semester?"
"Do you find a way to sustain yourself economically this semester?"
"Any unique work you have done this semester?"
Which shows that it's not the number, but the practical skills I earned during my adventure. Well, guess that's the price for being an intelligent, yet untalented kid.

"Being smart doesn't mean that you have the skills, being skilled doesn't require you to be smart."
- Daffa Abiyyu
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